Running: It’s a mind game!

I completely believe there is no such thing as a bad run; only the one you don’t get out and do.

So, yesterday, I didn’t get out for a run. I’m actually embarrassed to say I finally finished procrastinating, put my running gear on, tied my shoe laces, then looked at my watch and was like ‘oh I haven’t got time now!’ Took off my running shoes, threw them back into the cupboard and went back to procrasti-faffing! The mind monkeys won that one! That was a bad run; the run that never was!

So, today, I’d decided I was going to end the week strong, I was heading out for a run at 7.30am. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m very much in the early stages of my getting back to running journey; I’ve been loosely following the couch to 5k programme after not running for almost 5 years. Today I’d planned on a 20 minute run, finishing the rest of the 3 miles off with walking.

So, off I went, earphones in, podcast on. A few steps in the mind monkey chatter started “Ugh, this is hard today, you’re too tired today, are you sure you really want to do this?”

“No, shut up mind monkeys, I’ve got this. I’ll be fine once I get into it” I told them, as I kept on plodding. I’m not a fast runner by any stretch of the imagination! A few minutes later I could see the hill rise in front of me. I told myself “Okay, right, we’re going up this hill, I’ve got this! That’ll be the worst part of this run over, and in the first mile too. Never judge a run by the first mile, you know this, think how good it’ll feel when you get to the top of the hill!” I told myself and continued to run.

Well, my brain wasn’t taking any of this today. If I had to describe the mental image I had of my brain at that point (a weird concept, I know!) it would’ve been of a teenager, slumped in a chair, feet up, headphones on, blocking everything else out, sniping at anyone that dares to interact with them! Not the kind of brain you want helping you run up a hill!

So, with this incredibly unhappy brain, I continued to put one foot in front of the other, but my legs were getting sore, I couldn’t breathe properly and I couldn’t seem to shut my brain up “Who do you think you are trying to run up here? Yes, you did it the other day but why do you have to do it again today? Just give up, go home, have a cuppa! You’re hungry too, you haven’t eaten, your legs are sore, did I mention that already? Don’t push it today, you don’t really want to do this!”

So, the argument began “Well, erm, actually brain, I see what you’re doing, you’re trying to keep me safe, thanks for that, but I’m doing this” I told it. However, I was less convinced by then. I was also getting increasingly irritable, probably not helped by the minor disagreement with hubby before I left the house (I’ve misplaced my car keys again, he’s left stuff outside he was supposed to put away) and the school kids, walking 4 a breast on the pavement, taking up the whole pavement and not even pretending to move to one side so I could pass without having to run on a national speed limit road, just rude and inconsiderate! I really wasn’t a happy bunny by this point but I kept plodding.

I relied on tried and tested strategies, kept setting myself little challenges, the next lamp post, the side street, but could I get my mind on board? Apparently not. I was even telling myself that my body can withstand almost anything, it’s your mind you have to convince, but nothing worked. I really wasn’t feeling it. Deflated, I slowed to a walk. I was annoyed with myself, and disappointed that the run wasn’t doing its job today. It’s usually something I can count on for lifting my mood but maybe today there was a different lesson to be learnt. If I was going to salvage this run, rather than turning around and going back home, I had to get my head in the game.

I also knew that if I did go back home without turning today’s run into a positive experience, then the chances of me getting back out next week and building on the running habit I’ve started to form, were significantly reduced.

So, I allowed myself to walk to the top of the hill and told myself in 2 minutes time I’d start running again. Small, achievable goals. I started to run again but I was still irritable, annoyed by the number of people around me and my brain still wasn’t convinced either “just go home, you can’t do this, why are you putting yourself through this?” were amongst some of the unhelpful thoughts. Then the barrage of self-criticism started, most of which I will spare you the details of but along the lines of “you can’t get back to running, you’re too heavy, you’ve put a good few stone on since you last ran, what were you thinking?” My head still wasn’t in the game. Thoughts of “I can’t do this and what’s the point?” made an appearance and predictably, this impacted my behaviour. I stopped running and began to walk again. My brain then re-tried the sneaky pretend self-compassion, trying to keep me safe again “write today off, it doesn’t matter, try again another day!”

But by then I’d had enough. Something shifted in my mind. My stubbornness came through. I was tired of listening to the nonsense of the sleepy teenage sniping brain that I’d apparently brought with me on my run today. The fact that I can observe my thoughts tells me that I am in control of them and it was time for me to take that control back, as these dodgy thoughts were not helping me in the slightest. I knew I could do this; I’d done it already in the week (no brain, I haven’t done too much this week, thanks for another unhelpful thought trying to get me off the hook!) so I knew I could do it again. It was that self-belief I had to find and tap into to get through the run.

I decided I was going to run for five minutes before I’d let myself walk again. It was much flatter and more forgiving now too, but still I had little enthusiasm for the challenge I’d set myself! When running’s tough, I fall into a habit of counting steps, so I fell back into that, it gives me a sense of how far I’ve gone and how far I’ve got to go! I tried to refocus on my podcast which had received very little of my attention whilst I was arguing with my brain, and I focused on the sights around me. Being in the moment, my mind began to quieten, the self-criticism turning itself down a notch. My brain seemingly stopped throwing all the reasons that I shouldn’t be doing this today at me as I think by this point, I’d beaten it enough with a metaphorical stick that it just had to accept that this is what I was doing!

Five minutes of running passed, so I decided to up it to 10. I started to find my stride, there was a rhythm to the running, my breathing had fallen into a pattern; the irritability had subsided and I was feeling good. Ten minutes of running passed so why not go for 20? So, I did. This is when I noticed the change in my thoughts. The thoughts of ‘you can do this!’ had returned, ‘not much further, you’ve got this!’ ‘How good will it feel when you’ve done this?’ My brain had gone from the sniping, sulking teenager, to my own personal cheerleader waving its little pom-poms. My mind and body were on the same page, it felt good and soon I’d completed 20 minutes of running. Did I stop at 20 minutes? No, because I wasn’t quite at 3.5 miles! I guess some old running habits die hard! So, I made a deal with myself I would continue running until I hit 3.5 miles, which turned out to be around another two minutes of running.

I’d gone from not being able to convince my mind that my body could handle running today, giving up after 7 minutes, to having a word with that mind of mine, challenging the thoughts, finding some self-compassion and self-belief and then running for 22 minutes. Did I stop there? Well, I let myself have walking breaks but I ran the majority of it and the original 3 mile run I planned turned into 6.2 miles and a 10k completed.

I’m so glad I persevered as I know I’ll be looking forward to, rather than dreading my next run. Most importantly, I’d tackled the mind monkeys and I’d proven to myself that this morning it really was a case that my body can survive almost anything, it’s my mind that I had to convince. Running really is a mind game.

Was today a bad run? No, it was a tough run, but I was tougher! It taught me many lessons and reminded me just how important our mindset is to every aspect of our lives.

How can that be a bad run?